“Last time I checked, you’re not a car!”
First of all, I’m pretty sure, since I haven’t seen you or you’re lesser SUV speeding by me on my bike before, this is probably the only time you’ve ever “checked” to see whether I was a car or not. Really, just drop the attempts at putting witty lipstick on your pig ignorance and come out with it: “YOU NO CAR!!”
You’re right, the facts are clear, I am not a car. But when I’m riding through downtown, and people are opening doors in the parking lane and veering into the turning lane without looking, or signalling, the center of the lane is often the only safe place to be. On top of that, it’s pretty much downhill for those four or five blocks, and even with my modest cycling prowess I can keep up with the flow of traffic. I know you’ve got important places to be, but the one or two seconds of your life you might lose if you become “stuck” behind me is not worth raging over.
I wish I’d had time to explain this more fully. I realize you may have interpreted the finger I offered you and accompanying expletives as simple defiance or aggression. It was, but it was also the closest thing to this explanation that I was able to come up with in the time I had. Maybe next time you can safely pull over into a parking spot and we can have a chat.